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kev
Lifer
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PostSubject: Jokes   Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:49 am

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet any more.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God -------------- I still have my driver's license.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,
' For fast relief.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
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underage17
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:21 am

lmao
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Julz
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Aug 17, 2009 5:23 am

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then, he said with a deep sigh, . . .


















'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:00 pm

Courtesy of Julz........ Letter to the teacher

  • "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
  • "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
  • "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
  • "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
  • "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."
  • "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
  • "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
  • "Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."
  • "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."
  • "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
  • "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."
  • "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."
  • "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."
  • "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
    forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it
    Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
  • "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."
  • "My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."
  • "Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."
  • "Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."
  • "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."
  • "Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."
  • "Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
    sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
    fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all
    over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be
    something going around, her father even got hot last night."



  • Thanks to .tUrniP for the sig
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    Julz
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:14 am

    A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

    'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

    'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

    'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

    'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

    The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
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    Julz
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:20 am

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found brand new bathroom scales.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
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    underage17
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:08 am

    lmao lmao lmao

    that is HILLARIOUS!!!!


    don't read this if u're religious...u might not like it..

    It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath
    and young Sister Madalene Edwards had prepared
    the bath water and towels just the way the old
    nun had instructed.

    Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not
    to look at Father John's nakedness if she could
    help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

    The next morning the old nun asked Sister Edwards
    how the Saturday night bath had gone.

    "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've
    been saved."

    "Saved? And how did this fine thing come about?"
    asked the old nun.

    "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub,
    he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing
    him he guided my hand down between his legs
    where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

    "Did he now," said the old nun evenly.

    Sister Edwards continued, "And Father John said
    that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the
    portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I
    would be assured of salvation and eternal peace.
    And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven
    into my lock."

    "Is that a fact," said the old nun even more
    evenly.

    "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said
    the pathway to salvation was often painful and
    that the glory of God would soon swell my heart
    with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being
    saved."

    "That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "he
    told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I have been
    blowing it for 40 years!!"


    ****joke taken from mutantroosta*******
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    JustJohn83
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:31 am

    LMAO!!!!!! That is hilarious. XD
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    TK Trooper
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:32 pm

    The Day the Penis asked for a Raise


    I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

    I do physical labor.
    I work at great depths.
    I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
    I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
    I work in a damp environment.
    I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
    I work in high temperatures.
    My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

    Sincerely,

    P. Niss





    The Response





    Dear Penis:
    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
    raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

    1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
    2. You fall asleep after brief work periods.
    3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay
    in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

    4. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
    5. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
    6. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
    7. You will retire well before you are 65.
    8. You are unable to work double shifts.
    9. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

    And
    if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
    exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags..


    Sincerely,

    V. Gina
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:34 pm

    lmao



    Thanks to .tUrniP for the sig
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:36 pm

    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM
    machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their
    vehicles.




    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.



    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have
    been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'



    *******************************

    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. Put down your car window.

    3.. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Put window up.

    7. Drive off.



    *******************************



    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    (What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!)




    1.Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car windowwith the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written onthe inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN..

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook..

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card in to the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.



    SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO THE LADIES who can handle it....
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    kev
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:04 am

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EVER WONDER ...
    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and

    dish washing liquid made with real lemons?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on air planes? Why
    don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I like this one!!!
    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:26 pm

    Police
    are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be
    alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.


    Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer'.

    The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
    bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female
    sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to
    go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume
    a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings
    attached sex.


    Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men
    will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women
    whom they would never normally be attracted.


    After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what
    happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that
    'something bad' occurred.



    At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
    savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme
    cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting
    male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as
    'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is
    administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.


    Please! Forward this warning to every male you know!

    If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it,
    there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your
    shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.


    For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

    For a video to see how beer works click here:
    Beer Demo
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:46 pm

    A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."


    After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his
    arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
    This tarted another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"

    She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.
    After a half hour, the man's doctor came into the room.
    "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
    Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

    After a brief pause, the doctor confessed, "Not with a carnation!"
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:50 pm

    Remember, that before you read this, that it is located in the JOKE section and that is all it is.
    I like my testicles were they are and don't wish to have them hacked, shot, burnt or kicked off so early in MadDogz & Englishmen career
    angel


    Men strike back!

    How many men does it take to open a beer?

    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Why
    is a Laundret
    a really bad place to pick up a woman?

    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able
    to support you.

    -----------------------------------------------------------


    Why do women have smaller feet than men?


    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows. Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -----------------------------------------------------------

    How do you know when
    a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    How do you
    fix a woman's watch?


    You don't. There is a clock on the oven

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    -- --------------------------------------------------------


    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%

    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    ----------------------------------------------------

    Why do men die before their wives?

    They want to.

    ------------------------------------------------------

    Women will never be equal to men Until

    they can walk down the street with a bald head

    And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy..
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:46 am

    A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
    She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

    The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'

    The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

    Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

    The woman said, 'That's okay.'

    For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

    The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

    The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.'


    So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

    The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'

    The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
    mine.'
    So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

    The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild
    heart attack.'


    Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


    Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
    and continue feeling good.



    Male readers :
    Please scroll down.



    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ..

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

    Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
    Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

    PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to show that
    women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.

    kiss it lmao
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Aug 23, 2009 3:16 am

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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:21 pm





    Gold Medal winner Caster Semenya is furious at having to take a gender test.
    She said "After my success on the track, this comes as a right kick in the bollocks!"

    Latest reports state that Caster has been told she can keep her gold
    medal after her father 'Fatima Whitbred' confirmed she was indeed a girl!!!


    Last edited by TK Trooper on Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:54 am

    Fanny Green

    An Irish man went
    to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

    'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last
    confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'

    The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three
    Hail Mary's.'
    Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father,
    it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with
    Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
    This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
    'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
    'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;
    At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the
    sermon, a tall,
    Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.
    The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly
    sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her
    dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny
    emerald-green shoes.
    The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress
    and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but
    just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
    The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny
    Green?'
    The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to
    calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her
    shoes!'
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:43 am

    lmao @ TK and JULZ clap



    Thanks to .tUrniP for the sig
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:23 am

    An Irish priest is transferred to Texas. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

    The conversation went like this:

    "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

    "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:43 pm

    This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.
    Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!



    PRESBYTERIAN:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    BEST IN PRAYER



    ASTRONOMER:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    MOON STARER


    DESPERATION:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    A ROPE ENDS IT



    THE EYES:

    When you rearrange the letters:

    THEY SEE



    GEORGE BUSH:

    When you rearrange the letters:

    HE BUGS GORE





    THE MORSE CODE
    :
    When you rearrange the letters:
    HERE COME DOTS




    DORMITORY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    DIRTY ROOM



    SLOT MACHINES:

    When you rearrange the letters:

    CASH LOST IN ME




    ANIMOSITY:
    When you rearrange the letters:
    IS NO AMITY




    ELECTION RESULTS:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    LIES - LET'S RECOUNT




    SNOOZE ALARMS:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S




    A DECIMAL POINT:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    I'M A DOT IN PLACE




    THE EARTHQUAKES:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    THAT QUEER SHAKE



    ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    TWELVE PLUS ONE



    AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:







    MOTHER-IN-LAW:

    When you rearrange the letters:
    WOMAN HITLER
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    Mrs-G
    Admin
    Admin
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    Posts : 3052
    Join date : 2009-08-11
    Age : 46
    Location : Stoke On Trent

    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:45 pm

    Q - If a pig looses its voice does it become disgruntled ?


    man n wife are rowing... husband yells ....

    when you die im getting you a head stone that reads "here lies my wife COLD as ever!"

    wife yells ..
    yeah well when you die yours is gona read...
    here lies my husband STIFF at last!!



    Thanks to .tUrniP for the sig
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    TK Trooper
    Lifer
    Lifer
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    Posts : 1541
    Join date : 2009-08-20
    Age : 41
    Location : Scouseland

    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 27, 2009 1:58 am

    LOL
    Poor poor Gaz! lmao
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    TK Trooper
    Lifer
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    Join date : 2009-08-20
    Age : 41
    Location : Scouseland

    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:38 pm

    How the world works NOW:





    If a man
    cuts his finger off while
    slicing salami at work,

    he blames the restaurant.


    If you smoke three packs a day
    For 40 years and die of lung
    cancer,


    your family blames the tobacco company..


    If your neighbor crashes
    into a tree while driving home drunk,

    he blames the bartender.


    If your grandchildren are
    Brats without manners,

    you blame television..


    If your friend is shot by a
    deranged madman,

    you blame the gun manufacturer.


    And if a crazed person breaks
    into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and
    the passengers kill

    him instead,

    the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

    I must have lived too long to
    understand the world

    as
    it is
    anymore
    .


    So, if I die while my
    OLD WRINKLED ASS is
    parked
    in front of this computer,I want all of
    you to
    blame

    Bill Gates.
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    PostSubject: Re: Jokes   

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    Jokes
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