Giving Birth

What does it feel like or what do you imagine it feels like?

I only every had the labour pains and was lucky enough to get a C-section.

I've heard it's like having a good poo but I'm sure there are far more graphic descriptions too?

Male opinion on this will be fascinating, can't wait!

looks easy dont know wht the moanin is about lol

yeah but what do you reckon it feels like?

my ex had a césarien ( whats that in english) so no pain . but I would imagine it could be quite painfull for the woman.

PIECE

OF

PISS


I told her to stop moaning and that, if it was me, I'd have pushed 3 out and been down the pub for kick off in the time it took her ...

Seriously though, I've never seen anyone in as much pain - made me feel very uneasy lol

My Mrs was given an epidoodle for one of the girls (forget which one) but the doc giving it slipped nearly shit herself. That wasn't good.

She could have been paralysed for life, but like I told her .... think of the compensastion?

Gave birth naturally 3 times......

1st time-( Michael who's now 16)
Spent 16 hours in agony,had an epidural which was an event in itself..then discovered baby was facing the wrong way and had midwives climbing and pushing all over me...eventually found it all quite amusing due to copious amounts of Entonox (gas and air)....which had become a permanent facial feature...loved the stuff.
After several attempts at pushing (in doing so burst blood vessels in both eyes) baby arrived with a large roar from me....none of your female screams, I sounded like a lion having his testicles squeezed. And yes ..it did feel like trying to shit a large watermelon! Needed stitches which were as painful as the labour....swore never to do it again!

2nd time-(Darren who's now 13)

Held off at home for as long as possible....went in an extremely hot bath which helps the pain.When I came out all wrinkly and sweaty I realised the contractions were coming rapid so called an ambulance.Ten minutes later was racing through rush hour traffic with the blue light and siren wailing which was pretty cool,especially as I had the gas and air stuck to my face again!
Got to the hospital and was devastated to be told that babies arrival was imminent and there was no time for pain relief Needed stitches again but told them...NO

3rd time-(Hayley who's now 6)

I'm now an expert.....gas and air again...yeah...no time for anything else again ....aarrggh! Decided to try and get it over and done with as quick as possible...... so one huge push and out she came...the midwife had to run from the other side of the room to catch her!!

And no..... there definitely won't be a fourth!!

they might walk out next time lol :P

nah in my opinion it looks painfull am dreading gettin the gf pregnent if i do i can garuntee she will deck me when she is in pain

but i wonna try the gas n air for shit n giggles lol wonder if she does get prgnent i might get ago with the gas n air lol :)

Oh great, you get off your face on the gas and air while she is splitting herself in two!

She'll love you even more


Here's a few I found

Quote :

Like having chicken an curry the night before and seeing a balling indian appear from your arse in the morning...

Quote :

Imagine trying to crap a cantelope or piss a billiard ball.

Quote :

when you're going thru
it, it feels like you're going to die. you think that you're body won't
be able to take it. you WISH that you were dead cuz it hurts so much.
it burns, there's lots of pressure, and during contractions, it feels
like the little hellian is inside of you beating you with a baseball
bat then when you push, it's holding on to whatever organs it can grab
on to so it doesn't have to leave the womb.

MT your forgettin am gonna need it after she has broken most of my bones for getting her in that state

Quote :

Imagine trying to crap a cantelope or piss a billiard ball.

Nope, wouldnt fancy crapping one of these fuckers.........

oooo imagine if the horns got caught

All my labours were fast start to finish times given.

First birth, breach birth. Slowed down, still I shelled her out in under 5 hours. No pain had a nice epidural, hence back problems now. Only weird moment was, while they were waiting for me to dilate fully. Big mistake on staff's point of view here, thinking I was going to be an all day job. Hence they left me alone to rest while things progressed. I saw the blanket move and her foot had appeared. Never seen staff move so fast back to my side. All I got told was, stop pushing. I am laying there saying I am not I can't feel anything LOL. Boy did she fly out after that. Midwife nearly missed her as I she said right push now, and out she speedily popped. You try pushing when you cant feel anything, very surreal. Flaming stitches afterwords had me in agony for weeks after. Anybody who has undergone a natural breach will tell you, there is a lot of stitches. Most breach births do get c-sectioned. I had been prepped just encase. With my blood group the baby's can't be turned. That and the forceps look enormous. Born at lunchtime, so I missed my dinner, boy was I starving.

Second, bugger was late. Induced, given painkiller but they took effect after I shelled her out. Pain GEEZ F'KING CRAWLING THE WALLS. The contractions hurt but the shelling part didn't, done in under 2.30 hours. I can tell you induced births hurt far more than natural started births. Everything is speeded up. Another lunchtime birth. at least the midwife was forewarned I shell out fast and she caught mine as out she came in one go.

Third birth, induced, bugger was in trouble and premature. Same as before. Shelled out an 1.30 hours from start to finish. Luckily the bed, I was on, had an extra extension and the rapidly expelled baby landed just on the edge. She would have shot straight on to the floor otherwise.

Nice sleep after number 2 and 3 and was high as a kite too. Number 3, I was high as a kite for 2 days and slept for 48 hours solid. I was well out of it. Couldn't care less, my ex-father-in-law came in and asked me about the baby, while I was still on planet after effect. I replied what baby, couldn't care less I was so out of it and sleepy. they brought her to me and it was the other mums who told them to take her back. Same went for food and drink they brought me. They told me but I didn't register or even know she or anything was there. I didnt eat for 48 hours or move from the bed. They later discovered I was anemic and had suffered an allergic reaction to the meds. Luckily she was not a prem baby, they miscalculated my dates as she looked on time but only had a minor problems as in low weight. She had only grown for 5 months. I was told to expect a disabled baby with no legs. As hers never appeared on any scan. I was in hospital nearly the whole 9 months with her. I miscarried her twin brother. early on in pregnancy and suffered bleeding throughout. She also kept suffocating as her cord got trapped if she move to the right side of my body. So I had roll on my left every time she moved towards the right. Many scans, many heartbeats as sh rarely kicked. When they realised she had not grown out she had to come and I was told to expect the worst. She came out her legs unfolded, what she lacked in weight she gained in length. Midwife commented, my god look at the length of her. Only problem was she was born deaf, but that resolved itself as glue ear, which she still suffers from to this day. The same reaction to the meds I had she also suffers from. High as a kite she goes and sleeps for 48 hours. Very weird.

When all done and dusted, pain, what pain? You forget. The final stage does feel like you doing a poo, except it is large and acceptable to cuddle. And people give you cards, flower and pressies for it too.

After the hel lof number 3 no more. I had that took out and that lead to more problems that contiune todate.

hehehe have enjoyed reading all these

well my first was an absolute nightmare i went in on a monday after my waters had broke to be told i was 4 cm and was having contractions every 6 mins then by 8pm they had slowed right down and was sent home by 10pm then 2 hours later they started again so back up the hospital, all night and all tuesday was in full labour gas and air and pethadine at this point i was high as a kite but still no baby then on wednesday after no sleep and a further pethadine shot and an epidural later she finally arrived and i also swore never again ..... so the lesson here never swear ya havin no more lol

second was 2 weeks over so not happy then on a friday morning woke up in labour and took all day to have her pethadine to the rescue again and more stitches not nice but to describe how it feels .... so f' in painful but as soon as the baby is put in you it jus goes .... until ya need the toilet that is then ya hit the ceiling again each time for a few days lol

jolozkaz wrote:

until ya need the toilet that is then ya hit the ceiling again each time for a few days lol

Are we talking the dreaded 'ring sting' here.........?

just wait till you have full blown gout or appendicitis then you will know pain
having spoken to a few ladies who have all said child birth was a breeze ,their words not mine,
the most pain they felt was gout
and the most ill they felt was with appendicitis
they compared child birth to piles

Mmmmm.....Child number 2 has 6 weeks to go and is up the hospital as I type with strange goings on!.....I'll be sure to tell her it's just like piles LOL

False alarm still yet

Fingers crossed for her, and don't forget the hemorrhoid cream and comfy cushion. Labour gives you piles.

roland rat wrote:

just wait till you have full blown gout or appendicitis then you will know pain
having spoken to a few ladies who have all said child birth was a breeze ,their words not mine,
the most pain they felt was gout
and the most ill they felt was with appendicitis
they compared child birth to piles

Try having a twisted bowels, gout pain is like pile pain in comparrison.

excruciating PAIN! terrified of giving birth would like a bundle of joy tho just no birth please? lol

Well i have had kidney stones and they say that is as close to child birth as a man can come (pain wise). And let me tell you it is fuking painful.

However i still refuse to believe it is that painful (at least not as painful as kidney stones). Women go back and do it again and a again and a again. I for one never want to have kidney stones again in my life!

Well, I saw my daughter give birth 4 weeks ago and I'll tell you something.......

I saw the state of her mary after baby came out

Black and blue and ripped to shreds, inside and out! It took 40 minutes for them to stitch the bits together, all without pain relief too.

It is a dreadful pain but it's a pain that you soon forget, maybe because you have a gorgeous baby or perhaps we women are just made of stronger stuff?

mrs g i now shall never have kids! thank you! haha

Vvarden wrote:

mrs g i now shall never have kids! thank you! haha

Good call Vvarden! You keep that little gremlin of yours in prisitine brand new condition......