Urine-free wetsuit for sale on Ebay

I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.

It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.

Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.

I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.

Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves.

Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.

On 14-Mar-11 at 23:43:11 GMT, seller added the following information:

UPDATE.

This listing for my urine-free wetsuit is getting a lot of unexpected attention which is nice but I'm feeling I should do something positive with all the 'f*cking energy man', so I've decided to give 90% of the money it makes to the Red Cross to aid their efforts in Japan. That sounds all 'oh look at me I'm so nice I'm giving to charity' doesn't it... yeah well p*ss off.

On 15-Mar-11 at 00:42:42 GMT, seller added the following information:

Okay so people are now saying "only 90%", and I agree that sounds a bit sh*t, you see I was worried that if it only made it up to £20 or something I'd be unable to afford the postage! So let's say as the value goes up so does the percentage!

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:38:01 GMT, seller added the following information:

VERY IMPORTANT NEWS.

Just got off the phone to XCEL wetsuits in Hawaii, who are very kindly donating a BRAND NEW 2011 Drylock wetsuit to the auction, it will remain a 3/2 (summer) but will be available in a range of sizes to suit the winning bidder. So now, in addition to the original p*ss free suit, you'll also get a brand spanker, but still no bears or doors, just TWO wetsuits free of urine, one old and knackered (m) and one lovely and new (any size).

Big love to XCEL for their kind donation.

On 15-Mar-11 at 22:48:23 GMT, seller added the following information:

I should also add, that the new 2011 Drylock Summer suit retails at well over £300.00 and isn't available over here in the UK yet. So dig deep or you may get bummed by the bear.

On 16-Mar-11 at 14:29:07 GMT, seller added the following information:

More Stuff!
So the lovely lot over at DryRap are now donating one of their special change towels to the auction. This towel stops you exposing yourself whilst changing. It's one of those ideas you wish you'd thought of yourself. Jeff at the Miners Arms reckons he invented 'the horse' when he was a lad, we explained it was an animal and that evolution created it, he was having none of it, reckons he crossed a deer with a cow after a bottle of scotch.

On 16-Mar-11 at 22:21:51 GMT, seller added the following information:

And now the generous crew over at Carve magazine are also donating a year's subscription to their publication. This is great news to all us humans capable of reading but somewhat disappointing for bears.

On 16-Mar-11 at 23:36:41 GMT, seller added the following information:

So eBay called me at 17:30 GMT (16th) telling me the listing did not comply with their rules and would probably be removed, it is apparently 'unprofessional' and 'contains profanity', I did my best to explain that it was all in good spirit and for a good cause and asked if some discretion could be exercised in the name of charity, perhaps it could be considered an exceptional listing and could be allowed to run its course? They seemed unwilling to budge but it's now 6 hours since the call and it remains live, I'm hoping they've reconsidered and recognised no good can come from the removal, not only will it make them look incredibly bad, but it will also mean a charity will miss out on a $1,000+ donation.


Click >HERE< to read some of the messages he got and his replies...there funny as fook.

>>click here<< for item and picture of the bear having a piss.

HA HA HA If only all sellers were this witty. Get him signed up to the forum

I have never laughed so loud at a listing on Ebay. Thank you TW.